journal

Chapter 24

I haven’t been 24 a full year but I feel as though I’ve learned more about life in the past 7 months than I have my entire life. Dealing with depression, realized I have anxiety, low self esteem here and there, and feeling like a failure. This journey hasn’t been all bad, some good has come along and also taught me how to remain calm in certain situations, thinking before I speak, and stay focused and work towards my goals, just to name a few.

I never thought I would experience depression. I’ve always been a happy go lucky person with a bubbly personality that everyone instantly fell in love with. I was always smiling, laughing, making jokes, always wanted to be around people. Growing up, I was surrounded by love so that’s all I knew and that’s all I ever wanted to give to others. Not sure exactly when I realized I was depressed but I knew something was wrong because my mood changed, I wasn’t so happy anymore, didn’t want to be around people, didn’t even want to go to work. I would call in sometimes simply because I didn’t want to be bothered. I started noticing that I wasn’t smiling as much, didn’t want to get out of bed, stopped eating and taking care of my of my body, just really didn’t care about anything anymore, including my appearance(which is not like me at all). I finally hit an all time low and I talk about depression and how I dealt with it here, feel free to check it out.

Of course you’re not going to experience depression without anxiety . The two together are evil and will ruin you if you let them. I literally made myself sick and allowed anxiety to take over my life. Sitting up worried about things that I had no control over and it was very unhealthy. My alarm goes off at 5 every morning and if I go to bed at 9 or 10 anxiety wakes me up at 2 and I’m up for the day. I can never go back to sleep no matter how hard I try because I’m too busy worrying about the past and what I could’ve done differently. But I am learning from my mistakes and learning to move on because the past has already happened, this is the present and I should be focused on the future.

Dealing with these two has been tough and has revealed to me my strengths and weaknesses. I know how much I can handle and if something is out of my control I just let go and let God. I’m still fighting this battle and I definitely still have room to grow, improve, elevate and evolve. Chapter 24 is the beginning of my story and I cant wait to share it with the world.

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